Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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