Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
