Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
