Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
