I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
