My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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