I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
MIDGETS
????
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
