What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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