Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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