So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
