That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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