Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
