I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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