There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
