i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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