She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
