you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
