I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
