My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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