if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
