i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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