I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You've changed since you got that strap on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
