1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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