Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Redeem this text for a blowjob
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
