Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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