My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize