Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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