he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
