Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I love you. Go after that dick
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