No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
