Where is the hickey?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
