Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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