I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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