You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
