I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
