i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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