Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
