And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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