God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
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We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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