So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
