I molested 6 butterflies tonight
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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