Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Actions speak louder than pants.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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