what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
