Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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