i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
