he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Panties = found
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