her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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