You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
