Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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