One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
