Don't you send me to vm
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
