I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
