You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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