I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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