also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
