I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
