if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
