at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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