I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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