I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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