i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
