You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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