I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
