ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
