handjob tips. give me some.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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