I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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