It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
