Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
