He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
