boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
