I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
